U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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