I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
