Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
