I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
