I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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