so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
