Got a toothbrush?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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