I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
