Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
