I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i will never coherently bang her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
