It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
