i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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