shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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