after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
