my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
