Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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