im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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