did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
