I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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