she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
