I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
