I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
