dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
