i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
