This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
