That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
