Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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