You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
