life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
