he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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