he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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