recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
