I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
