Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
