we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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