i think i have herpe
just one?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
