You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
