I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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