My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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