Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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