toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
a search helicopter?!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize