East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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