Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
