The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
