you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize