if i can run in heels then i can drive
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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