I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize