just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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