just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
