A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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