Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
