I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize