they need to just BURY HIM!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
