he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
