I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
