i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
