it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
