(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
