Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
