...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
