Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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