You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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