Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
