I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize