I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize