We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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