i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
