i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We got so high we made milksteak
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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