My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
