Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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