woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
