I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
