worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
