He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
