i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
