If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize