i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
