So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
