matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
