how can u be prego again
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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