My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
