He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
