chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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