living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
