I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
