Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
