I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
