I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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