Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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