My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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