Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
