Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
