Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
