the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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