So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
