My first STD was from a foam party
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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