How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize