how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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