remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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