I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
