If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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