haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
