Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
where am i from again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
