u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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